I dont want to be here anymore

I dont know what I did. Ive torn my brain apart looking for answers as to why I am so easy to forget. Why I am so easy to leave. Why I am so easy to replace. At first it was a boyfriend/bestfriend. But break ups happen to everybody and I had to get over it. Then it was friends. Talking behind my back and using me. Then, it was molestation. But again, happens to everyone. Now neither of my parents want me. My dad wont talk to me and my mom told me last night to move out and that she wanted nothing to do with me. She said to see what happens next time I cut myself because she wont be there for me. She said Im on my own. Nobody really wants me, no one really cares. There was a point in my life when I thought everybody loved me and that I was such a good person. But the amount of self hate I have towards myself right now is unbearable. I ruin everything. I ruined an amazing relationship with my best friend, I ruined school, I ruined my body, I ruined myself as a daughter and a friend and a person. I hate myself so much and I really dont see the point anymore. Ive tried so hard to be better but everytime I get better someone makes me feel like nothing again. I am nothing. I am nothing. I dont make an impact on anyones lives. I dont matter to anyone. And everyone would be fine without me. I promise. Nobody understand how hard I have been trying and my ex even told me that I WASNT trying. Nobody knows what goes through my mind at night. Nobody knows how many times a day I look into the mirror and cry. Nobody knows how often I stare at the fat on my legs and stomach. Nobody knows how much I truly hate myself. Theres something about me that pushes everything good away. I once had everything. I once was the happiest person anyone knew. But im not happy anymore. I try so hard to find joy in things, and sometimes I do. But that doesnt stop me from laying in bed every single night remembering how ugly and annoying and stupid I am. I want to die. I have never given up on anybody. But everybody is giving up on me. Im not important. I am NOT important. I AM NOT IMPORTANT. Im not needed, I dont have a purpose. Im just another star and I belong in the sky, not on this planet. I dont want to be here anymore. It was so easy for people to leave. Its so easy for people to live their lives without me, like I never even happened. Nobody needs me. I dont want to be here anymore. I dont NEED to be here anymore. I have come to understand why everybody leaves and why nobody wants me. I understand because if i were them, I wouldnt want me either. To my ex boyfriend, im so sorry. I screwed it all up because i was so difficult and annoying and i know im not easy to love. Thank you for sticking around for as long as you did. I hope you and her are happy, i really do. To my ‘friends’, thank you for making me laugh and including me in things. To my parents, im so sorry I let you down. Im so sorry I was such an awful daughter and that I let my grades down and that im not as talented as lauren or paige and that I never did much to make you guys proud. Im so sorry for dissapointing everybody. I didnt mean to. Im so sorry to have let everybody down. I love all of you. Im so sorry for existing

Anonymous asked:
Why do you not want to be here anymore?

Have you ever felt sort of…pointless? Thats why. I cause everybody to run away.


I dont want to be here anymore

Anonymous asked:
I think youre so beautiful, anybody would be lucky to have you

Aw thanks/: you have no idea how good it is to hear that (: come off anon?